Look, before we get down to business, I just want to say welcome back. It's good to have you on board again. I think you and everyone else know we've been struggling a bit here at 20th Century Fox when it comes to your baby. We've tried. We've, we've really tried... okay, we've really tried to milk it, but we admit we've never really recovered from bringing on that Ratner guy. No, no, don't go looking for an apology, we've still made money without you. Reboot, baby.
Anyway, enough about us... let's talk about this X-Men: Days of Future Past jobby you've given us.
We've gotta say, we're pretty pumped. It's given the punters what they're after. "Boom, crash" is the flavour of the month right now and you've delivered. And you've managed to throw an impressive slew of superheroes in - new, old and old old. We're going to be reeling in the green for another decade or two now that you've closed the loop on our new actors. And what did it take? Nothing. We just had to lay down a couple of million to bring back all your worn out versions, chuck 'em in a room for a couple of days shooting and have them talk to each other. Real sweet.
Now our new cast. BOOM. That's where the money is. That Fassbender guy, he's got everyone wilting, all tragic anti-hero and shit, and McAvoy he's going to grow into the role now that you've pushed him through his weird-ass drug addiction. And Jennifer Lawrence... let's not forget that we've secured Hollywood's hottest property and locked her into a role where we can dress her up as anything we like.
Oh, and by the way, Marvel's gonna be pissed that we got the jump on Quicksilver. We liked what you did there. Thanks for accommodating us at the last minute.
And while we're on how accommodating you've been, thanks for shoving more Wolverine in here. You know we can't market these X-Men films too well without Jackman and the claws. Yeah, you had to make a few changes to that comic book you're always banging on about but, look, it all makes sense and you've still got that Kitty Pryde one doing shit so we don't envisage too many complaints from those fucking fans.
But behind closed doors, we've got to let you know, we were hoping for a little bit more, I don't know, a bit more of a film. This isn't X2 is it? You haven't taken the genre and given it emotional grunt. You've given us lots of "watch 'em die" moments and they pang. They work, we'll give you that. We reckon we're gonna take them on board, we'll call them "killer cameos" or something. But, let's face it, they're easy moments. We wanted to see some real feels here, especially with how your mate Matthew Vaughan set you up with that good/evil triangle. We just reckon it all comes off, dare we say it, cartoony.
Yes, we know, you've got a lot on your mind right now and really we should have lowered our expectations, given your output since leaving us. There's been a lot of money thrown at you and you've never really been able to make it work in your favour. We'd forgotten you made Jack the Giant Slayer and Valkyrie. Actually, we'd forgotten they'd even been made. And Superman Returns, look we're a little happier with that one in retrospect (and when we say retrospect we mean post-Man of Steel).
Look, its a small thing, this emotional shit. We don't like to let on here that we crave it in our superhero movies, but we do. We just wanted to flag it with you. We know you've got it in you.
Anyway, let's talk Apocalypse...
★★★
Trailer:
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