CAPSULE: Gods of Egypt (2016, Dir. Alex Proyas)

In the depths of the Uncanny Valley, by the banks of the River Nile, a boy loves a girl who worships a god who can change into a CGI man-hawk. Aussie screen god Bryan Brown gets killed by wanna-be-but-its-never-going-to-happen screen god Gerard Butler, who is apparently his brother, though neither look like their purported father (a flaming Geoffrey RA-sh).

CGI man-hawk, a.k.a. Bryan Brown's son, a.k.a. Jamie Lannister, loses a magical eye and his man-hawk powers. Boy finds eye, loses girl, buddies up with ex-man-hawk to fight Gerard Butler who is trying to unleash a dirty great inhuman centipede on the Uncanny Valley (some sort of metaphor for his career, I imagine).

Who fronted the money for this? And why couldn't they have given a bit more of it to the F/X house? Someone should have put Roland 'Rollie' Tyler on the job.

I can't see Proyas recovering from this one. Sad. I really wanted to see what he did with 'The Tripods'.

★

Trailer